DAGGERs

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Here lies my heart.

Here lies the dagger.

This is where I walk away.

call me a coward for not wanting to stay. call me a spineless when I only wanted to protect you. Call me undeserving. Why has it come to this? Where was the love we swore by? How could you love a ghost? How could I love an illusion of love.

You loved the ghost of someone you once met. Only a ghost. That ghost is gone now. Lost forever in the darkest deepest corner of my soul. What remains is a monster. So horrible so grotesque. Tell me, could you ever love a monster?

I reach out to touch your face. you reach out to touch my heart. I step away. You look at my eyes, searching for reason. I reach out and break your heart even though I know it will break mine as well.

the dagger wounds me deep. I saw it coming an ocean away. I saw it the very first day I met you. I knew it the very day I said I loved you. But I stood there and took it anyway. All is fair in love and war. Even so it hurts like nothig else on this earth. Such is love.

Tell me how does it feel to have your heart broken by the one you loved.

Ask me how it feels to break my own heart to -kill it so it can never feel love again.

Then were even.

two broken hearts.

I stand here alone. Ive come full circle. There is no man who can never love again. There is no man who will neve hurt the ones he loves. Were all murderers in disguise.

So if you ever want to love me,

here lies the dagger.

here lies my heart.

Such is love.

memememememe

la lang

crit please!!!


My comments...again...

I had my comments typed out a minute ago. I clicked send and the browser screwed things up again. Ngar. So here they are, AGAIN.

Liked reading this piece. You have a good command of the language, fineaffle. 

Just a few comments:

1) Medyo nabitin ako. This piece is charged with emotion, but after I read this, I wanted to know WHY the person feels this way, and I wished you could have gone a little deeper. Why does he/she feel like a monster? Why does he/she choose to walk away from love? Why the need to "protect" the other person? Vakit, fineaffle, vakit? :)

2) I liked the repetition of some phrases, and the use of clipped, snappy sentences.
"the dagger wounds me deep. I saw it coming an ocean away. I saw it the very first day I met you. I knew it the very day I said I loved you. But I stood there and took it anyway. All is fair in love and war. Even so it hurts like nothig else on this earth. Such is love."
But I think you should exercise some caution when it comes to sentence length. Ganda yung effect ng short sentences, pero pag napasobra, minsan parang telegrama ang dating. Maybe you could try to vary sentence length.

3) Just needs a little housekeeping. There are a few typos, and some missing apostrophes.
call me a spineless [maybe you should remove "a"] when I only wanted to protect you.

On the whole, I enjoyed reading. Hope to see more of your stuff. :)

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Photographic fiddling, Literary scribbling
http://maeve.eggdrop.ph