Things become too old, too routinary, too familiar, too okey. I miss my old self. The one who will grasp her mother's dress for comfort, the one who will cry-out-loud to summon and subside her emotions. Sometimes, my mind cannot grasp the reality... that I have to consume 10 hours of my day for work and for my bosses, that I have to sleep too little, that I have to read too much for school, that I have too exclude watching Anne of Green gables, little woman 2, catdog, that I have to participate with some do-good people for their activities, that I have to come home lesser and lesser as time becomes too busy and too exhausted. I am not crying every night now... but, I feel crying inside every hour, every day.

Feelings become too uncontrollable, too complicated to compromise, too obvious to deny. I can't understand why the hell I have to feel too in love, too helpless (sometimes) when I'm with this person. I know I'm not helping myself and I'm giving way to assumption. But then again, here I am, wanting someone who is so far, so blurred, so stagnant.

Maybe love (as it is said too much before) has its own reason which reason itself cannot understand. Huhh...

I'm looking forward to see myself again. To see her smiling, not just her lip but her beautiful eyes. To see her walking again like the good old days with her floral dress waving like the rice field in the morning when the wind magnificently blows it. I'm looking forward to see her cry with those wary and buggy eyes, to see how she shout again her anger and fear, to see how she was mesmerize and was fascinated by the beauty of the world... Unlike the world that I see now, complicated and too small.