She's My Salvation
I have nothing to say, nothing to give.
I am not at all worthy of her.
I'm not even worthy to live!
Yes, she's worth so much more.
But I'm a selfish beast
And damned as I am,
I won't let her go - not now, not ever!
I'll keep her for as long as I can.
Let the Devil have my soul.
I couldn't care less.
She's my salvation.
As long as I have her, I'd consider me blest.
bridge.
weee
i made this off of the top of my head. XD yes, i'm bridge. so does it suck?
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by the way, i am not lesbian. just for the record. since i used "she" and all. XD i just felt that it was better said by a male than by a female.
thanks?
Submitted by angelica brigino on October 16, 2008 - 4:48pm.
actually, this poem's completely fictional. :p i wrote it off the top of my head, as i've mentioned. yes, it's sad that the narrator thinks he's not worth shit. and i agree that you should be your own reason to live but, hey, i guess love's like that. maybe i should post the girl's response. XD
but i'm glad that you found the emotions here real. at least i think you did. XD
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travelling on the road to insanity, you find life.
disturbed
Submitted by hectorolympus on October 16, 2008 - 6:03pm.
am particularly disturbed with the phrase:
Let the Devil have my soul.
I couldn't care less.
hmm...
Submitted by angelica brigino on October 16, 2008 - 6:15pm.
yeah, i guess it is quite disturbing. well, i'm sorry if i disturbed you too much or anything.
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travelling on the road to insanity, you find life.
not really
Submitted by hectorolympus on October 20, 2008 - 10:55am.
hindi naman masyado :)
but that was quite a statement.
:)
continue writing your thoughts!
Well ... you did ask.
Submitted by Pmel on October 16, 2008 - 6:37pm.
Does your poem suck? No ... not really but it's nowhere near good either.
If I could grade it from 1-10, I'd say about a close 6. And there's nothing wrong with the lines:
Let the Devil have my soul.
I couldn't care less.
In fact, it's okay. The devil was an angel after all. It's just that it's over used by emos, the meaning is useless now. Try to rephrase some of your words with other descriptive words. And instead of being ambiguous, try to compare it to something solid. We live in a materialistic world where objects like cellphones could hold a meanig to your heart, like a gift from your boyfriend or even a slight act of kindness like a hug.
Otherwise, it's a good start. Keep at it, hon! ;)
thanks :]
Submitted by angelica brigino on October 16, 2008 - 6:50pm.
wow this's, like, the first constructive criticism i've received from this site since i've joined. thanks! XD and yeah i agree that this isn't particularly good. i wrote it off the top of my head - didn't really think about it much. :p and yeah i agree about the emos thing. lol. they make literary symbolism harder than it already is, since they tend to make a whole lot of stuff cliched. and i'll work on that ambiguity and description. thank. :]
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travelling on the road to insanity, you find life.
Aha ha ha ha!
Submitted by Pmel on October 16, 2008 - 7:10pm.
Yeah, blame it on good old Poe!
No problem Angelica. Pleasure's all mine. :)
lol XD
Submitted by angelica brigino on October 16, 2008 - 8:09pm.
lol! he's the all-time emo classic. i gotta admit that he's quite good though. and his 19th century english adds a bit of flair to his emo-ness (sorry, i invented a word. XD) that i personally think the modern cursing lost.
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travelling on the road to insanity, you find life.
word of advice
this is a very sad poem. not too romantic i know ur sad about stuff but she shouldnt be a reason to live. no one should.