Suicide is painless
The song November Rain by Guns N' Roses was probably the most memorable tragic song I've ever heard in my entire life. After the heartrending marriage I had, I never thought the second relationship would be more than wretched if not equally tragic, and the song November rain speaks of it until now.
I can still remember how she played it on piano whenever she felt down and sad, viewing her from behind while she almost silently played each note from the song. I can't remember exactly why she liked that song, but there is something in its melody that creep me out whenever I hear it--not to mention viewing the music video of that song.
Our relationship behind that song is in the same way as rocky; her Mom and Dad tenaciously disagreed beside the fact that she's already old enough to make decisions. It came to a point that they would do almost anything to break us apart--that relationship caused me more heartaches than anyone could accumulate in their entire existence.
We couldn't be broken apart; the arranged marriage her parents set up for her to the guy they liked for her couldn't actually impede our relationship and suicide was an option. Three suicide attempts happened. They came one after the other as soon as she was discharged from the hospital, and strong enough to plan a new suicide. After the third one, her body surrendered; she fell deeply sick and needed to undergo heart transplant. She had a previous heart condition aggravated by the overdose of Ecstasy and three attempted suicides.
Although the heart transplant was quite successful, she can't remember a thing. Amnesia, this time was on her parent's side, forgetting about me is the next best thing that happened to their plan to break us apart. But her brother, who from time on helped us see each other secretly, was always on her hospital bed side in my absence. I was banned from seeing her in her sick condition. He always played the song November Rain on her CD player repeatedly every hour of the day, thinking it would bring back her memory. She often woke up after hearing the song, in deep thought and would cry incessantly.
After some time, she called me on the phone, although she vaguely remembered me. In her hospital bed she would cry endlessly as if trying to pour out rains of emotions. Her new heart wasn't working efficiently with her body. Her mom flew her from Subic Bay via private plane. She died December 13, 2003 in Seattle Washington before she reached the hospital.
I can still remember how the music video of that song November Rain ends: a bunch of roses thrown at the descending casket of Axl's wife in the middle of the pouring rain, and as it reaches the casket, it bleeds. Strange coincidence, strange resemblance, only this time rain didn't happen late November but early December. I still wish I was there to witness her burial.
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oh, wait i's confused. i'm
Submitted by daimustlive on September 24, 2008 - 1:17pm.
oh, wait i's confused. i'm afraid my reading skill is, terrible. haha! i understood now. and i agree, letting go, and telling it to the world to ease your pain. i wish for your happiness.
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thanks for the wish, but i'm
Submitted by Rom on September 24, 2008 - 1:22pm.
thanks for the wish, but i'm happy now found my real love and finally settled in a suburban neighborhood. that's why telling the past comes easy for me
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oh bad, i knew it! that was
Submitted by daimustlive on September 24, 2008 - 1:14pm.
oh bad, i knew it! that was a good hitched story. hehe.. thanks for sharing!
thoug i am yet to watch the video, since it's filtered here in the office.. again, thanks!
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hay.. tragic, i thought mine
Submitted by Adlesirc on September 24, 2008 - 1:24pm.
hay.. tragic, i thought mine is one of the saddest but upon reading your story, it made me think twice.
thanks for sharing. i like november rain too. hope you feel better.
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i tried to kill myself also
Submitted by kafka2501 on October 15, 2008 - 9:46pm.
i tried to kill myself also once. back then when i was still young, disillusioned and broken hearted. I accomplished nothing. suicide is never painless.
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nakakasad naman.. i thought
Submitted by aireen on September 24, 2008 - 3:07pm.
nakakasad naman.. i thought it only happens sa mga movies lang..
haist! sobra me naapektuhan sa story mo Rom.. parang dinudurog ang heart ko... 
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aus lang po...Basta share
Submitted by aireen on September 24, 2008 - 3:25pm.
aus lang po...Basta share lang ng share...
I hope and pray na tuluyang maging okay ka na...
Godbless!!! 
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pain...
Submitted by mydearangel22 on September 25, 2008 - 3:52am.
Rom,
I feel for you. my cousin who was only 18 died of a broken heart. It is hard for her to let go of life but it was harder for the ones she left behind. I'm glad you have found love. I think that's what she would also want for you. Good luck and thanks for sharing this.
It is important to remember that we all have magic inside us.
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...love shall not
Submitted by dtn on September 25, 2008 - 4:03am.
by Dylan Thomas:
And death shall have no dominion
Dead men naked they shall be one
With the man in the wind and the west moon
When their bones are picked clean and the clean bones gone
They shall have stars at elbow and foot
Though they go mad they shall be sane
Though they sink through the sea they shall rise again
Though lovers be lost love shall not
And death shall have no dominion.
* * *
rom, I'm glad you're now ok. Stay steadfast.
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thanks DTN
Submitted by Rom on September 25, 2008 - 7:09am.
thanks for the Dylan Thomas poem!
indeed i dare not go gently into good night
i rage for the dying of the night.
Dylan Thomas is also my fave poet.
i beleive that love is immortal and death have no dominion over it
thanks for the wonderful words
Rom
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nakaka-sad naman ang kwento
Submitted by jonsdmur on September 25, 2008 - 12:14pm.
nakaka-sad naman ang kwento mo... naiyak tuloy ako naalala ko tuloy malungkot kong buhay..
Thanks for sharing ur story
Jonsdmur
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re suicide is painless
Submitted by angelica brigino on October 2, 2008 - 7:47pm.
hey. it's me, the gal who made p.s. god, please reply. oh and you too, death. so anyway, you were asking what this's to me? well, firstly, i find the story sad. unfortunately though, suicide is one of the poignant realities of life. personally, i doubt i'll ever commit suicide. i'm much to curious to see what the future holds to ever really want to end my tomorrows.
it's sad that she lost sight of hope so much to try to end her life multiple times. there's always something to live for. even if it's something as shallow as just wanting to see what happens next or just so you can see the next sunset. or even to live another day just to see your love happy even if you're not together. i guess some people really just tend to lose sight of hope.
oh well. life's just like that. shit happens, as people say. and indeed, a whole lot of shit do happen. life's a pms-ing bitch.
---
travelling on the road to insanity, you find life.
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in many form
Submitted by Rom on October 3, 2008 - 6:41am.
suicide comes in many form. Contrary to the stereotypical bullshit we always see in movies suicide comes in different sizes and colors. If you live your life in waste where snorting coke and pushing needle is a common thing--that's suicide many times over.
sometimes i just wonder if there will come a time that suicide will be elevated into a noble act where ending one's life will greatly cut-off the suffering that might happen ahead of time.
appalled by the great number of cases of suicide nowadays by those who are suffering from great tribulation in life i wonder if suicide really is fast becoming an option to many.
of course you would disagree.
but what provokes me, is what really is going on the mind of a suicidal.
thanks for reading
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ahm..
Submitted by frozenheart on October 3, 2008 - 12:51pm.
is your story that tragic?? oh well..in my case, i dont have reasons to do that kind of suicide..hope not even i fell deeply in
love.. wish me luck!!
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Ideally, YES, it is painless...
Submitted by ruth_mostrales on October 15, 2008 - 11:37pm.
Suicide starts in the mind, it is conceived, predetermined, and executed first in the mind... It is first a mental act, coupled with an overt act to produce the result. The feelings of the perpetrator are merely incidental, because when a person commits suicide, s/he does not intend the pain to turn inward, but outward. It is foremost, I believe, a selfish act, because the pain is intended not only for people who have wronged him/her, but also for the people who care and who will be shattered by the loss. That's why it's always pointless. In our statute books, it is not a crime, but in what ever way one puts it, it is WRONG and produces a WASTAGE of human material and potential...
Ruthie
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yes Ruth i believe you
Submitted by Rom on October 16, 2008 - 6:54am.
suicide is a selfless act but it is always a question of motive. i often envy those who have the nerve to do it and eventually succeed, pain stops right after the act. But then again people often impose a comic baloon hovering above the dead person's body with "morality" written all over it as you turn the page.
check out Neil Gaiman's Black Orchid on: http://www.blah-blahblogs
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i do believe suicide is an option, but it's never the best...
Submitted by ruth_mostrales on October 16, 2008 - 6:37pm.
i shouldn't have used "wrong", in the first place, probably for want of a better term at that time :) but yeah, these people deserve mercy from God, not punishment... I believe God has a way of dealing with lost sheep, as he always does...
if there's anything i would feel for the person who kills himself, it is pity, not envy :( and that emotion goes for the family, too. The fact that people don't always understand the motive behind a suicide makes it the more difficult for those who are left behind to cope with the death. the issue of suicides is more often than not hid under the rug, a source of family shame and weakness, so people don't simply talk about it like ordinary, regular deaths. the family goes back to normal but the normalcy is fake. this is the way a guilt-ridden family copes with it and it is a self-defeating coping strategy. studies have linked suicides to past suicides that has occured in the family and the reason is the fact that the case was never closed in the first place. most affected are children in the family who, without proper "debriefing" after the tragedy, may find the act a coping strategy, a way out, worthy of emulation...
Ruthie
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November Rain
Submitted by Yiennarda on April 15, 2009 - 4:46pm.
Hi Rom,
November Rain had sanked it's literal meaning in my life. andaming bad things na nangyari sa buhay ko and strange they all happened in the month of November. And everytime I feel like I'm in a pithole, November Rain becomes the theme song of my life.
In fact it was the title of the first story I ever wrote. As sad and as melancholic as how you described it here... grabe... bumabalik na naman...
http://www.filipinowriter.com/november-rain
Sorry Rom kung naungkat ko to...
http://wattuduyanie.blogspot.com/
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.
Submitted by Rom on April 15, 2009 - 5:14pm.
ewan ko kung bakit associated lagi sa grim ang november siguro dahil sa UNDAS. nagkataon man o hindi ang maganda lang ay buhay tayo na nagkukwento ng pag balikwas natin mula sa pagkakalugmok, the mere fact na nakakaya nang ikwento ang mga "dark ages" ng buhay ibig sabihin umiigpaw na tayo sa pagkakasalampak sa lupa.
gulong lang ng gulong!
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Hi Rom, compared to your
Submitted by journeyman on April 15, 2009 - 5:49pm.
Hi Rom, compared to your experiences, and as you said “it was just the tip of the iceberg”, I’m lucky… all along, I thought mine was the worst of it all…
I am glad you were able to bounced back… kung sa akin seguro nangyari eh baka natuluyan na rin ako…
"Ako ay maglalakbay, isang malungkot ngunit kinakailangang paglalakbay, tungo sa aking sarili, sa paghahanap nang isang bagay na maaaring mahalaga lang para sa akin..."
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.
Submitted by Rom on April 15, 2009 - 9:41pm.
malaking bagay na nakuha ko ang mga anak ko after nung maghiwalay kami ng 1st wife ko, akala ko oks na lahat not until i met my her--and eventually suffered another blow in my life as she died. pero ngayon happy na ako kasi i found another love na talagang for keeps na.
just don't stop believing.
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bumisita lang ulit
Submitted by Rom on February 17, 2010 - 10:15am.
di ko alam pero habang papauwi ako kanina galing sa doktor bigla kong naisip ang isinulat kong ito, halos 2 taon na rin ang nakakaraan. siguro dahil sa pangambang ilang araw na ring naka bitin sa utak ko. ok naman ang ECG ko pero di pa rin maalis ang nagsasalimbayang isipin.
binisita ko lang at binasa ulit, di ko alam siguro may kung anong nasa likod ng isip ko na kumukunekta dito sa sulating ito...
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Suicide is painless...A reflection
Submitted by pards on April 2, 2010 - 1:51pm.
Rom talks about a strangely fitting coincidence between the lyrics of the
song November Rain and the tragic ending of your second relationship. You
tried to reminisce how YOU and your girlfriend fought for your love against
all odds. The most difficult battle was to win the approval of the girl's parents,
who did everything within their power just to break you apart.
I couldn't really blame the girl's parents for being over protective---
considering YOU previouslly had a failed marriage. Furthermore, the girl
had a heart condtion. No wonder why her parents wanted to shield her
from potential "heartaches." Out of desperation, they even tried to arrange
her marriage with another guy they really liked. Undoubtedly, her parents
had only the best intentions. Little did they know, that their decision
would slowly, but surely, lead her to the graveyard.
It's too unfortunate that many lovers don't end up living "happily
ever after." In real life, many love affairs have sad, even tragic, endings.
The song November Rain and and YOUR love story are glaring examples
of love gone wrong. Ironically, what started as a beautiful relationship
ended up with the loss of a loved one --stolen by death!
at least ok ka na ngayon and you found your love for keeps. Pards, sa totoo
naranasan ko at ng pamilya ko ang mawalan ng mahal sa buhay. November
21, 2005 ng mag suicide ang youngest brother ko he was 32 yrs old at nakatira
siya sa sta. cruz laguna with his family. Alam ko masakit sa isang magulang
na hindi niya makita ang kanyang "bunso" kahit sa huling sandali man lamang
hindi pinayagan ng doktor si tatay na makauwi ng "Pinas for health reason.
Sorry, pards hanggang dito na lang muna ang kwento. Hindi ko pa kayang
ibigay ang lahat ng detalye. Judgemental kasi ang tao. Tanging si BRO lang
ang nakakaalam at nakakaunawa kung bakit ginagawa o naisasagawa ang
"SUICIDE" ng isang taong nasa matinding "Depression."
"No single factor has gained Acceptance as a universal cause of suicide . However, DEPRESSION is a common phenomenon among those who commit suicide."
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it's been seven years mula
Submitted by Rom on December 20, 2010 - 6:18am.
it's been seven years mula nang mamatay sya...hanggang ngayon masakit pa rin ito wala pa ring resolusyon...
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is this a real story? yours?
is this a real story? yours? very tragic.
i love that november rain song, and the video's haunting.
and i think suicide is painless, for getting numb from the pain that your heart feels.