Everyone who heard about Pastor Gebu (a perverted version of Gabriel) would think that he was a great man of God. This is because he was as popular as a bad wedding on a sunny day in the town where he lived. Perhaps he was just as great as one might take him to be, for when Pastor Gebu was coming up to preach he kept a bottle of gin in one pocket and a bottle of beer in the another pocket. When he was taking a roll of prayer, he would roll out his bottle of gin and sip a little content. By the time he was rounding off the prayers, he would have a gulp of beer at every break between one ‘amen’ and another. He prophesied when he was feeling tipsy.

It was Pastor's habit to preach to his congregation to adhere to one wife only because it was commanded by God but he himself had just ten wives and at least twenty concubines. He would preach against stealing and covetousness as Moses, the great man of God, spoke against it, but the following day it was Pastor that would be seen escaping with his neighbour’s hen in his agbada. After all when asked why he was not bound by what he preached, he would say he had a concession as a man of God.

During lent, while the members of his congregation were fasting like snails, Pastor would have at least six meals in a day, for according to him, he might die in the process because fasting itself is not an easy endeavour.

‘Or do you want your illustrious preacher to die prematurely? Else who do you want to take over the ministry that had been divinely given to my care by God?’

‘God forbid that you should die now. Why? Death is not written on your face nor does it have its trails on your forehead. Jeho will make you live longer than Methuselah to lead us,’ the members of his congregation would pray for him and whisk their hands across their heads to wave off death for their pastor, for whom if it was even possible, should never to die.

Pastor usually had indoor prayers, sometime for three or six days during which he claimed to receive divine revelations for his people. Whenever he was to do this, he ensured he carefully selected about six buxom girls that would keep his company during the period of his consecration. At the end, at least five of such girls became mothers after pastor’s programme. And so the saying usually went among the members of the church that their pastor was renowned for shooting without missing.

Revival programmes or crusades were opportunity for Pastor Gebu to add more wives to the ones he already had. He had a way of doing this: he would either call out for voluntary donations of very precious things by his congregation or the volunteers themselves (now only women of marriageable ages) or he specifically chose those he wanted to volunteer themselves. In this way, Pastor was able to snatch the wives of many of the church members and the intending wives of many other young men.

Pastor was a king on his own – a powerful king who also had the rare opportunity of combining religious ministry. His fame and power was great and uncontested. In the spell of his authority he could ask any member to relinquish their property or their possessions. Pastor Gebu’s power was no doubt great, but then…

One day, out of spite and long-awaited reaction, six men suddenly felt the same law that gave Pastor authority over them also gave them authority over him. Hence if the pastor had the right to take the wives and belongings of the church members, by the same law of equality they were entitled to his wives and property; they were also by the same law qualified to remove him as their pastor and give his responsibility to another man…

Delay was not their bargain, for between one shot and another, Pastor’s house was invaded and he was given the marching order. He was told not to bother taking any of his possessions, but to just leave the premises of his house. His wives, children and property were taken over and one of the six men was made the pastor of the church.

Nigerian, born in 1979 and hails from Ede in Osun State. Graduate of English Language (B.A. Edu). Loves writing and reading. Has written a volume of poems titled Whips and Lashes. Above story from a collection of short amusing tales titled The World Is Too Serious with Us. Presently has a collection of short stories titled The Foliage.