Kuya,

First of all, I wanted to apologize that it took me two months before writing to you. I was too busy keeping my self occupied with other things. I thought it will lessen the anguish.

I want to express everything lightly and not mellow-dramatic but there's just no easy way to say goodbye. Our memories, from childhood to adolescents to being young adults are rich in hope, love and dreams.

I could never forget how you hate and fright our first kindergarten teacher. It was funny how you often run out of the classroom just as when she's about to begin the class. I did not succeed in convincing you to come to school with me, but instead, I dropped out of the school too. Our next try is from different pre-schools.

After school, you will be seen in the neighborhood renting computer games such as tekken and everything. I really don’t get why you love arcades I just thought maybe its part of growing up for boys. You were not into sports or any musical instrument and so why knowing that you can only play "Lupang Hinirang" and "Yukelele Boy" in your Yukelele and is acceptable.

You were so proud and happy when you got your first personal computer, there were no OS then so we can only play Mario Bros and create greeting cards with Alladin and Jasmine designs and other cartoon characters. Of course, I was always at your house for sleep overs every weekend so we can play in your computer until 3am.

Our adolescence came. We used to debate and argue over the greatest singer of all time. You bet for Mariah Carey and I go for Celine Dion. I don’t remember who always prevail but one thing is certain, Mariah really captivated your heart. I have changed my idol too many times through the years but you were loyal with Mariah. You know all of her songs and albums.

We were amazed as how Cream Silk can soften our hair. One time when we were taking a bath, you did not rinse it off because you think it will make your hair more beautiful. You woke up the next day complaining your head is itchy.

I learned tong-hits and lucky 9 from you but I really dont understand how Poker is played. You play cards very well.

College came and taking up BSCS is just a piece of cake to you. I was actually kind of disappointed when you did not take the few subjects to become a college professor. You were known to being the master of computers. Everybody knows that. You once debated your teacher about computers and she almost failed you, remember?

We shared our dreams, aspirations and hopes.

We turned to be young adults, had our different sets of friends and started working but when we are together, blood ties us really strong. We never care about the world anymore.

We eat our hearts out, we sing to the top of our lungs in videokes and walk and shop around the mall until our feet give up.

You love cooking. You disgust roaches. You like the classic movie “The Sound of Music.” We played chess countless times.

Of course there were hard times too. I will never forget the times you listened to me just when I needed a very good listener. I opened up to you the things I couldn't tell anyone. You gave the best advices nobody else could. You helped me realize that family is the most important thing in the world. That I should hold on to it no matter what.

I understand you have few things that you cannot tell me. Everyone's have their own secrets, right? I know. We can all feel it. But I assure you, we love you and we really understand you. We wanted you to be happy but we were afraid to ask. I know I was the closest to you but I hesitated to ask and I know that you will tell it when you are ready.

I remember you every single day. Maybe I will remember you for always. I tried to visit your FarmVille (you have the prettiest farm), that's the most I can do now aside from writing this letter. I still don’t have the courage to look at your pictures.

We almost couldn't stop talking and laughing the last time we were together. You picked the best laptop my budget could afford. We ate Pizza and Pasta and talked about everything. I never thought that would be the last time I will see you.

 I never looked at you in your coffin. I just couldn't accept it then. I’m still learning to live with the fact that you’re gone, forever.

***********

Tita,

I could not start and finish this letter without crying. The fact that you and kuya are gone and the way you left us was very painful. The most painful thing I ever had to go through my whole existence.

You never fail to welcome me in your house with the warmest smile, that's why I always feel that your home is my second home. You were my second mother. You care for my whole family more than anybody else.

I never had the chance to thank you enough for everything. You were always there. Always.

I remember so many years ago when you knew that I already have a boyfriend. You were so worried that I will get marry at an early age or elope or get pregnant. I listened to you just as how I listened to everyone else saying that there are more important things than having a boyfriend then.

I couldn't look at your coffin too. I know you understand. It will break my heart to see what they did to you. Again Tita thank you for everything. I know you will agree, God has his own reasons for letting things turn out this way.  

We will all be together in His time.

***********

And to the three men who murdered two of the most important people in my life:

God forgive me but I swear, I swear I will track you down. I will kill you slowly. I will let you feel every single pain that we feel. I will bleed you dry and dice you up. That way, you’ll suffer more and then you’ll die too.