I love animals. I love them on my dinner table. 

HOW TO COOK A GOAT PROPERLY
or how to cook it Asian style
or how to cook third world style, devoid of morals and devoid of animal rights banter and silly things on how not to meat because its not human which is really really bloody silly since in the hierarchy of the food chain I being a man, a writer and a socio-anthropological connoisseur which seeks the true authentic taste is devoid of morals since animals are only animals and anyone who thinks animals are like humans i will fart on their general direction and will continue to eat animals whether it is endangered or not.

HOW TO COOK A GOAT

Ingredients:

1 -- Goat
1 -- 2" by 2" hard lumber (If hard lumber is not available you can use a lead pvc pipe although it would not be the same as the thwackk of pure wood; also coconut lumber also works miracles if you do not happen to have any type of hard wood lumber)
1 -- very sharp knife
1 gallon of cheap vinegar
1 blowtorch

PROCEDURE

First tie a goat to tree or a nice strong place with adequate drainage. Then after you have tied the goat you need to force feed the goat with a gallon of vinegar, this will help in preserving the internal organs to be used in countless recipes later on. Also the vinegar removes that goat-ey like smell that is quite present in many goats that have not been done in a more civilized animal rights activists slaughterhouse style.

After you have forced fed the goat, immediately pummel the goat with the two by two lumber behind the neck. After it loses consciousness or its life, whichever comes first, you need to slash the neck of the goat with a very sharp knife. Remember to collect the goat's blood since this is a key ingredient in one of the many recipes I will show you in the future. After draining the blood off the goat, you need to throw the goat in a tub of boiling water in order to soften the goat's skin pores and hairs. Let it soak for a few minutes. Then remove it and using a sharp knife, you need to scrape off the hair off the goat. After scraping most of the hair use the blowtorch to burn away the small hairs and the remaining hairs off the goat. Scrape again until there are no more hairs.

Slash the belly open and remove all the internal organs, set aside to be cleaned. Just throw the bladders away since it can be quite pungent even though it is edible but it will require a lot of cleaning before it loses the urine taste. I will discuss more on Goat Internal recipes next time.

And there you have it. Ready slaughtered goat to be used for traditional gourmet recipes.

Next episode: Goat Recipes -- From Intestines to Blood.

Stay tuned.