I think that's how life really is. You can't have it all. In one way or another, you have to let go of the most precious person, or a thing, not because you want to, but that's what life is forcing you to do. It hurts to discover many things, many relationships had changed. I hope it keeps on changing until we find each other again, understanding, forgiving, and loving. It hurts a lot. Like you want to blame somebody for this, for this pain. You have thought of many people. You have reasons to put the blame, the hate on someone else. But in the end, you will realize, it is you who is responsible for everything. I am getting tired of getting caught into the web of unhappiness. Someone special to me told me once; I don't know how to appreciate the people, the feelings, everything around me. I was always looking for something I don't have. That is the reason why I couldn't be happy. I understood the point. I actually agreed on that. But the more I thought about it, something in me, something I don't know how to explain, and something is telling me it has to be that way. I am tired of explaining myself. I don't have the energy to tell it all. I don't know. If I am hurting people because of what I did, I am sorry. Although I know sorry will never be enough. I understand that. I, myself, don't believe in sorry. I like silence better. Solitude gives me peace, freedom of being still, being calm. Whatever I say here, it might make no sense to you. But...I don't know. This is not what I want things to be like, if I'm hurting people, I'm hurting myself as well. Unhappy tears for me.