A Sci Fi Story (Novel 1st two chapters)

Johanne Light's picture
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This is something that I've written for Young Adults. A mixture of romance and ScienceFiction. I hope you enjoy it.

Please fell free to critique it. It's not perfect. 

 

01

 

My vision swarmed with fantastic colors. The florid alien fauna hovered before my eyes. Strips of crimson petals glided across the cool winds as the Inoria’s citron filaments struggled to catch them. Under the cylinder trees, palettes of sanguine Daeira’s danced together with chartreuse, tangerine and mulberry Aphrodites. My head swam like the giant flying fishes that dominated the incarnadine sky. So much beauty, so little time. I have to live, I thought.

 

A green mosslike substance burns me everywhere, digging inside every fiber of my body, and it’s eating through my shoes and pants.

 

It’s been hours since my eyes last opened, the forest’s gentle harmonic sounds lulled me to sleep. I don’t know how long I’ve been out or how long I’ve laid in the dirt like a dead log, engulfed by the New Amazon Forest. The damp soil felt sad and cold. It’s home to giant leeches crawling and sniffing as if I was a possible candidate for food. Only my eyes could move.

 

Am I going to die here? I never even told Vanadin I like him.

 

MOTHER did her best, the governing AI in charge of birthing humans, immunizing us against this new planet’s microorganisms. But I guess it’s impossible to defend against all the tiny buggers. I can’t even grit my teeth; curse the thing that’s eating me alive.

 

I chided myself for not bringing my E-Scape, at least it could have recorded things that had happened today, especially how I’d die, use my body for research, well, wait? I don’t want that. My guess is the thing’s as good as plant fertilizer, when the hovercraft crashed. I’m starting to hate being a botanist, a junior botanist if you will, it’s not even supposed to be a deadly job; going out every other week and selecting samples not yet recorded in the massive DataBank. Then browsing our E-Scapes if the new sample has already been registered, if not we bring it back to the HIVE. Easy right? I’m not supposed to be in this mess!

 

E-Scapes are cool, a mini pocket computer the size of the ancient IPOD that primitive humans used to shuffle along. My E-Scape had adjustable holographic screen size, Good for watching old world movies and recording memories and data. It also had records of ancient texts from the old world. I loved reading what they call novels from it. At least it could’ve read me a story before I die.

 

My delirium showed me things I wanted to see. Made me hear of things I desired; a tiny pink child, a cute kind of coo. Giggling and laughing while I hold her in my arms. A sweet Natural baby, with no serial number on her shoulder, not created by a machine, but created by me. Unlike us Artifacts, called just that because our DNA data comes from DataBanks hundreds of years old. I will give her my memories unlike mine, created only by machines. She will be my daughter, and I will be her mother.

 

Waking, my dreams shattered. Do you know how it sucked being nursed by a machine?

 

The green mosslike microcreatures covered more than half of my limbs. I wanted to curse; I wanted to mutter all the hidden words stuck in my distant memories. But my mouth only stays slightly open.

 

“Serah? Serah? Can you hear me? Serah if you can, please answer me!” my heart shaped earpiece said.

 

Vanadin, is that you?

 

“Serah? Are you there? Please?”

 

Aw! Why do I bother? The earpieces are voice activated. I have to say Blitz, my password so he can start hearing me. What am I thinking? I can’t even speak, let alone whimper? Tears poured from my eyes. What a lousy way to die. Killed by things I can barely see. Killed by a moss. Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!

 

Oh hey, did you hear about Serah?

 

Uh no? Why? What happened to her?

 

She was killed by a moss.

 

A moss?

 

Really?

 

Can you believe it?

 

What a stupid way to die.

 

You said it!

 

A highly bizarre laugh woke me up.

 

A bad dream, that’s all it was. I tried to convince myself that I didn’t really hear it. Did I really hear it? Delusions, delusions of a dying sick person, that’s all it was. The burning was about my neck. What happens once it slithers inside my mouth? Oh my MOTHER! It’s sleep paralysis. It’s only sleep paralysis. I tried to convince myself. My earpieces were dead, and my body still burned. Vanadin must have kept talking while I dozed off.

 

Mind over matter, I told myself. It was night. The Mandragoras were beautiful, flowers glowing with opaline colors amidst the dark, sprawling trees. I’m dying, slowly sinking into the moist cold earth, it’s the truth. They could create another Serah, exactly like me, but I wonder if it would be me? I once saw a botanist from HIVE II who looked just like me: short russet hair, freckle faced pixie. She was beautiful, only older. I wanted to look like that as fast as possible, so Vanadin would notice me. I never got to talk to the lady though, I wondered if we had the same dreams, the same memories.

 

A rustle among the leaves. I struggled to look for the sound’s source. Something azuline was glowing in the dark. It ambled closer. Oh my MOTHER! An Ether!

 

 

02

 

 

It all came as a shock, four junior botanists getting sent in the middle of the largest jungle canopy of the new planet, The New Amazon Forest or NAF, to gather samples. Even my adopted mother argued it wouldn’t be safe. But military escort allayed her fears. “Besides,” Vanadin, assured her, “it’s just gathering samples.”

 

We were told everything is classified, and had thumb marked the mission disc proving our agreement. “Sending four kids in the middle of the jungle wouldn’t arouse suspicion,” the General said, “as opposed to sending our best team, with all the talk of more deadly viruses hitting the HIVE, sending you wouldn’t arouse the Media. Don’t worry you’ll come back here safely, we assure you that.”

 

“I heard a grunt died,” Roilus, one of our team members and a friend since birth said. “It’s a deadly sample, what we’re recovering.” I hugged my legs tighter. Durandal held me on my shoulders, “as long as you keep your suit on, you’ll be safe.”

 

Not far from entering sector 134, one of the escort hovercrafts suddenly swayed and slammed into ours. We heard shouts screaming ‘Ethers’, the other escort craft opening fire and struck us with FireBombs. Diva, our Collection Leader ordered us to jump. Our hovercraft bursts into flames, and I tumbled across the hangar and fell.

 

Falling through the trees tore my protective suit, though their giant, circle shaped leaves softened the fall. I was burning. FireBombs, like napalm, makes fire stick to a material till it’s virtually gone. Panic made me strip off my protective jacket and helmet. My pants were still burning and rather than strut around in my underwear, I ran to the nearest solution: the nearby pond.

 

“Whew! That was close,” now to find the others, I thought. I tried to get out of the water, but something wrapped around my leg, pulling. Calm down, so I did. I placed my hands on the vine and tugged. It’s just a vine. “Haha,” I nervously laughed. That’s when I saw green moss on my hands. I wiped it on my pants, and went to look for the crash site. In less than five meters, my legs weakened and paralysis overcame me.

 

Helpless from the presence of the enemy I breathe in exasperation. The creature looked like a burning stick person walking towards me. It seemed graceful and elegant; its ghostly flames flowing with the wind, gliding forward to kill me. We have never known much about the Ethers. No one brought a dead body back to the colony. No one lived to tell about them. Ghosts, the researchers would call them. And this ghost would soon suck the life out of me. If I could have still moved, I would have shivered.

 

The faceless ghost knelt down by my side. Its giant razor arms moved closer on my forehead. I knew it! They eat brains! I closed my eyes, and wished it would be quick.

 

I felt a touch, warm, like fingers. I opened my eyes. The thing was touching my forehead. Its flame- like hands forming fingers, stroking my forehead. I was surprised at how solid it was.

 

Its blue ball of a flaming head bent towards me, moving closer and closer. It’s going to suck the life out of me! Closing my eyes, I felt it warm. A kiss?

 

It kissed me?

 

I felt its frothy tongue lolling on mine, and something crawly scurried down my throat. I didn’t know it had a tongue, nor did I know it could kiss. But more than that my first kiss was with an Alien!

 

It removed its face from mine. It gazed at me with eyes I’ve always known. What the?

 

It looked like Vanadin. An Ether Vanadin? Wait, am I hallucinating?

 

YoU aRe Not

 

Who said that?  I thought.

 

“Me,” the being smiled, its voice sounding like Vanadin’s.

 

I looked at the creature in the eye.

 

You? Are you sure?

 

“Does this look like a perfect time to joke around?”

 

Er, no. How can you talk to me?

 

“It’s the spiders, they let me talk to you.”

 

Spiders? Ghack! I felt the moss burn my lips, the pain was more potent this time, creeping down my gums, tasting hot on my tongue. Burning my cheeks. My eyes water, maybe for the last time.

 

“I’m sorry” it says. “But it will help you greatly.” It stroked my forehead as fear consumed me.

 

I want to die…

Johanne Light

Luca's picture

dude..

since I don't know your method yet, I'm just going to comment on your output.

first off, you are in the habit of qualifying. I mean, there's a tad too many adjectives. this helps you paint a picture, but when writing a novel, think it's more like a movie. Therefore, focus on action and incidents they will provide more insight to your characters.

next, your writing seems incoherent because there's not a lot of forward movement in your story yet. Perhaps because this is introductory. I am a little overwhelmed with the number of concepts you introduced and you jump to the next thought without sufficiently setting the stage for them. So in a sense, it is flashing. I'm not sure if that's the effect that you want to have. But I hope you're able to put it in context. It might lead to a form of literary epilepsy.

last, (for know) be conscious of your audience. Since you said that this is young adult literature, make sure that your language is accessible to them. I would understand certain eccentricities in the flow or in the construction, but since you've identified an audience, clearly, this piece was not meant to make a personal statement.

 

i hope that makes sense...

works-in-progress are meant to be edited anyway.

 

Kung ano man yung narinig mo, hindi "I love you" yun! Assumera!

Johanne Light's picture

Thanks for the insights.

Thanks for the insights. Although the YA stuff is mostly okay to readers in the states. (I've posted this on some international writing forums, and they think that it's mainly for YA) though I might have to really adjust for audiences in the Philippines. 

One of the things I'm having problems din, kasi those little bits of info, that builds the world needs to be there-- it's like setting the stage for later chapters.

especially kung fictional SF where things need to be occasionally explained. It's a different world, and I can't get away from it.

Anyways, yes, I agree it's open to editing. 

I am the weaver of dreams and the and the musician of nightmares...

pleasant

Mr. Light, the smells, sounds and sights of the jungle you have shared through your pen were vivid and enjoyable. You have a gift of painting pictures through your words. I would love to swim in a pond again. I would love to sit under a canopy of trees.

 Please continue.

Johanne Light's picture

Thank you, Kikoy. I

Thank you, Kikoy. I appreciate it. ^_^

 

I am the weaver of dreams and the and the musician of nightmares...