They say you can tell a man’s character from the things you find in his workplace. I work at home most of the time. Knock yourself out:

FIGURE 1

1. Star Wars monster-slash-love toy for when I’m surfing porn.
2. Iced tea-slash-lube for when I’m surfing porn.
3. Alarm clock to remind me that my wife is about to come home so it’s time to clean the manly jizz surfing porn all day invariably leads to.
4. Pen holder with an old scalpel (don’t ask).
5. Daily planner to remind me of how I’m not accomplishing anything since I’m always surfing porn.
6. Foot powder to prevent trench foot and gangrene for whenever I’m moonlighting as a mercenary in various war-torn Third World countries.
7. Drawing board, which makes “back to the drawing board” more than a cliché to me.
8. The Rise and Fall of the Third Reich, which I put here so you’ll think I’m smart and shit.
9. Cigarette burn, which forever ruins my drawing board.

SHIT ON A PANCAKE!